Monday, October 11, 2010

I'm not perfect but then again neither are you

I have debating whether or not to post this. The reason I am posting this is because I want to remember how I am feeling at this moment. I am not going into details and or give out names, because I am not trying to rat anyone out and or start drama with anyone.



First things first...I am not perfect...I am not going to admit that I try to be perfect either. I will admit that my family comes first. I love my friends dearly but my family will always come first. It became painfully obvious that certain family members do not want me apart of their lives. It makes me sad because I don't think I am such a horrible of a person as they are making me feel like I am. There are several (over the years) little things that have happened but something happened last weekend that wasn't anything huge but it opened my eyes up and made me realize I'm someone they don't want to be around. Normally I could care less, because the way I see it if someone chooses not to like me that's their choice and I move on but this time it's different, because the family is attached to my....Dad....I can't cut my Dad out of my life, I don't want to. I will admit that my relationship with my father over the years has been rocky. I am not saying it's all his or mine fault, I am just as guilty as he is. But I am trying to rebuild the relationship, I really am....it's going to take time...so it's baby steps. I want my kids to know their Grandpa...he loves them so much, Avery loves going to church with Papa. I think it's unfair that my dad is having to be in the middle of this. Richard doesn't know what to think he agrees with me that when we are around certain family members we feel don't feel welcome like they are having to put up with us being there. A part of me thinks I should try harder but a bigger part of me is afraid that if I do trying harder I am taking a chance of getting my feelings hurt again.

You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends. I love my family but I guess they chose not to be mine? It's out of my hands.

3 comments:

Joni said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie! I know how you feel about this issue. Some family members only want to act like family when it is good for them or when they need something. You are a great person and why someone wouldn't want you around is beyond me.

I am here if you need anything. Hang in there, sweetie!

Unknown said...

That's the pits...

I say no more relatives.

Unknown said...

You arent called to be perfect, Mary... and if those people you are having issues with really looked deep in themselves, they'd realize they arent perfect either, but that's ok. We are called to love one another... be it family, friends, or complete strangers. Its about respecting the people you are around. I am sorry you are having a tough time. Hang in there.

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