Saturday, September 11, 2010

30 Letters Day 11 A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

There have been a few people who have passed on in my life time. Thankfully I can say a "few" and not many. I love my family & friends but family always comes first for me. I have lost both my grandmothers and although I love both of them dearly, my "Nannice" was someone I was much closer to. I miss her dearly. The picture above is my Papa and Nannice with cousin's the Payne's. My Nannice & Papa are on the left.

Dear Nannice,

Time sure has flown by, it doesn't seem like that you have passed on over 14 years ago. You died 1 month and 1 day after I turned 16. I miss you, a lot. I remember the silly things you would do, keeping the Tyenol taped on the back of your head for the headaches you would get. That would always make me laugh. I have so many wonderful memories with you, I remember the green gum you would let us eat after dinner. I remember coming out to California and playing with the cousins. Then having you move next to us in cache valley, putting in the grass in our lawn with Uncle Paul, Papa and my parents. I am so happy I was able to spend 16 years with you. I feel bad for the younger cousins that didn't get to know you like I did, and my boys, they would have loved you. I think of you often espically around your birthday. I hope you are proud of me, the way I turned out....Papa was sweet enough to give me one of your Irish wedding rings, I wear it daily, proudly. I am glad I was able to have something to remember you by, and maybe if I am lucky enough I will have a girl someday to pass it on to. The things we would talk about if we could. I would like to be able to talk to you now that I am an adult vs a child. Thanks for loving me, and being my Nannice. Until we meet again.........

Love your first grandaughter,


Friday, September 10, 2010

30 Letters Day 10 Someone You Don’t Talk To As Much As You’d Like To

I have a half sister named Traci, she is the only sister I have, the others are step. We are from the same Mom, she is a sweetheart and love chatting with her, but I am bad and don't talk to her as often as I would like.

Dear Traci,

Growing up I always wanted a baby sister, and now that I am older I found out I have you! You have a wonderful personality and your smile is very sweet. You have had some of your own personal battles but you choose to keep putting one foot in front of the other rather than sitter on your rear and complaining how the world has done you wrong! You have a love for life, god, your family and friends. I love how you are always smiling. I promise I am going to make a better effort to talk to you more often and start to get to know you more. Thank you for reminding me that even on a bad day you can still smile! Keep your chin up remember you are a very important person and that I love you!

Your big sissy,


Thursday, September 9, 2010

30 Letters Day 9 Someone You Wish You Could Meet

There are a lot of people I wish I could meet, I could say God, or Jesus but that would mean that I am dead and I have a lot of things here I want to accomplish before I am ready to meet either one of them. Then there are movie stars of course that I would love to meet, but I am pretty sure they wouldn't give me the time of day and if I did get the chance to meet "Vin Diesel" I would be drooling over him and acting like a 16 year old girl meeting Justin Timberlake for the first time instead of a normal human being, so to avoid that embarrassment I think I would like to choose someone I wouldn't act like a total retard around. Although when I met my birth mother it didn't go over well, I won't go into that but lets just say it wasn't what I hoped for. I would still like to meet my birth father.

Dear Ian,

Although I know very little about you, I would love to be able to meet you someday. I do know Nadine has talked to you over the years but from what I have been told you haven't ever married and have no other kids. I would like to meet you I would like to know the other person who was made me who I am, get to know and understand why I do some of the things I do. Maybe I am more like you vs Nadine? Or maybe I am more like Nadine...who knows? I would like to at least see what you look like. From what I was told you are Hispanic? I am curious. I would love to learn more about my background. I know you still live in California and I have emailed you at the last known email address but never heard back from you I don't want to push it and make you feel uncomfortable so I will leave it at that, but I do hope you decide that one day you are willing to meet me or at least talk with me, so that I can thank you.

Your "Daughter"

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

30 Letters Day 8 Your Favorite Internet Friend

My favorite Internet friend so happens to be Richard's Ex LOL I know odd right? I have never officially met Mysti but we talk on FB and via text messages often. She and I have similar stories, we both were at one point single mom's her son Jaidance is only 3 months older than Avery and is also in the first grade, his "dad" isn't in the picture like Avery's and she is also trying to get the paperwork to have her husband adopt him, same with us. Her next son is Malykai is only 7 weeks older than Toby! Kinda funny if you ask me! Her husband is in the Army and currently severing a year tour.

Dear Mysti,

Hi Friend! Although we have never officially met, You are by far my favorite Internet friend! I know thing's aren't easy with Jordan gone and I know it drives you nuts when people say, I'm sorry or I know how you feel when in reality they probably don't know how you really feel because they haven't been in your shoes. So I won't say that, I will agree with you that it does suck, because I haven't done what you have done with Jordan and live through 2 tours with him. If I could I would totally join in on your pitty party! You already know if I could do anything for ya I would...but unfortunately I am not a genine in a bottle and I can't make Jordan come back for ya, sorry girly! I will say that I really enjoy talking with you! You have the cutest kids and I can say that I do know how you feel when it comes to Jaidance's dad issue, and how you want Jordan to be able to adopt him! We are in the same boat with that. It is so hard for me to believe someone could honestly be ok with not talking with their child, not wanting to see them, talk to them, make an attempt to be apart of their lives, how could someone do that? I know I couldn't! All I know is Jordan and Richard are saints, to step up and be a father to these boys that aren't officially theirs makes me realize we were really lucky to meet them! I love that we were able to start talking! I am making it a personal goal that next time your here in Utah that we are going to FINALLY meet!!!!! You have a wonderful heart and your an awesome Mom to those cute cute boys! I know some days are MUCH harder than others but don't you ever forget how great of a person you are!

Your Bestest Online Buddy


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

30 Letters Day 7 Dear Ex

Although I didn't date A LOT of people I do have a few that stand out, and trying to decide whom to write to I am still on the fence about. The one I decided on was my high school sweetheart...

Dear Ryan,

Although we don't talk that often now you will always have a special place in my heart due to the fact that your my high school sweetheart. It makes me laugh now that back then over 10 years ago when we broke up I thought my world was going to end! And now I realize how different we truly are! I am glad that we were able to remain friends, you have such a wonderful family! You have such a big heart and you are a great uncle to your niece and nephews and I am sure you will make a great father someday. You honestly are WAY to hard on yourself and you need to realize your a smart wonderful guy! I am glad you found someone who loves you! Although I haven't met her, I have been told by many she's great for you! GOOD! You totally deserve it! I am glad we didn't end up together, we are just two different of people! But I believe you came into my life when you did for a reason. I wish nothing but the best for you, and hope you can start having a better attitude about yourself! Thanks for the wonderful memories!

Sincerely An Ex but not a hated one,


Monday, September 6, 2010

30 Letters Day 6 A Stranger

It took it a minute to think of this one but hopefully this will work

Dear "Stranger"

You assume that because my husband is tall, has dark hair and not tiny that he is there to "start" something with you. Did you not see that he was in a uniform (khaki pants and a collared shirt) and DRIVING a van that states his company's name, along with the fact that your own Mother has items in your house that is said company's & you requested to have him come fix it?? Why don't you try thinking before you speak. Because you assumed said things you had to come up to him and demand to know why he was at your house and demand to know what he was going to do there and gave him an attitude about every answer he gave you. Seriously? GROW UP just because someone comes to your house OR your neighborhood doesn't mean they are wanting to "start" anything with anyone! The fact that you were very rude to my husband the whole time he was there is beyond me. People like you piss me off because you have an attitude and self entitlement that doesn't belong to you. GROW UP!

Oh and to future strangers, leave my dang husband alone, he's not there to start anything with you, he is there to do his job and nothing else and please don't be stupid and assume things remember your not the only one that has a family! We want to see him come home each night we love him A LOT just like your family loves you (despite your stupid attitude and assumptions!). REMEMBER THAT!


Sunday, September 5, 2010

30 Letters Day 5 You Dreams

Today is a letter to my dreams and I honestly not sure what to say to here goes nothing....right?

Dear Dreams,

What is up with you? I honestly dream the most random things and I don't get why I dream what I dream!?! Would you PLEASE explain yourself a little better so I can understand you? That would be freaking AWESOME...That is all

Dazed and confused

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